A Short Obscure Poem About Me

I once longed for a life of self-destruction

I wanted the chaos. I wanted the pain.

I surrounded myself with that same self-destruction. 

I slept with it. Or didn’t sleep, and stayed up all night and held it.

I held it close.

I wanted my men to have it. I wanted them to show me chaos.

I didn’t run from it. I wanted to show that self-destruction who was boss.

Until I didn’t. 

I crawled like a snail, through the piss and vinegar.

I clawed and clawed, and fought until I found the light.

Some people, lighted people, they pulled me up, stood me up.

And others. Well, they didn’t make it back.