I recently found out that Margaret Wolfe Hungerford first used the phrase, ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ in 1878. This phrase clearly states that ‘beauty’ is purely subjective to the beholder. Fine. But I am still waiting for the famous phrase to say beauty is in the eye of the holder.
Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing I love more than if I can get my eyeliner on perfectly. I feel a tiny pinch of accomplishment when that happens, as we all do. But a friend of mine had a disastrous experience with a somewhat local ‘resource’ who solely focussed on outer beauty and did not care too much about creating experiences beyond that. While this ‘resource’ is still working, I question whether or not if much has changed in what is presented? Has this person grown to respect the inner as well as the outer?
I cannot say for sure.
But this herein is where the slippery slope lies: Do we start by teaching our young Indigenous women and men on how to put on make up, dress fancy and walk fancy at an early age? Do we entrench our Indigenous history, language, teachings, etc within them at a very early age? Or have we mastered the art of doing both simultaneously?
It’s very easy to get caught up in a contagious personality filled with fun and colour and feel good phrases, but is it healthy? Does it come with the depth that we need to make all of our learning experiences meaningful? Does it come with our traditional teachings and models of respect? I do know that the meaningful experiences stick and they are responsible for shaping who we are, wherever we are on our life journey, one experience at a time. But what happens when we don’t feel so pretty or handsome or hot anymore? What is left after we have exhausted our physical beauty? What is left of that ‘feel good’ time in our lives if no one bothered to say…if no one took the time to say… if no one saw the value in saying “beauty is in the eye of the holder and you are so loved and respected for who you are. Period.”
My hope is that times have changed. In the year 2020, we can say that we are not defined solely on our outer beauty, that we are not constantly put out there to expose our most vulnerable selves on the basis of having a pretty face, bone structure, our body, with absolutely nothing to back it up but catch phrases.
All I know is that it was a difficult time for my friend, during what was supposed to be a good, uplifting, positive experience, that ended up as an insecure nightmare. It’s 2020, we should not be subject to those experiences anymore.
But if anything I will say this: If you are a professional motivator, incorporate as much as you can that will feed our young people with pride, love and knowledge of who they are and where they come from. And please, please don’t sugar coat the bad, just find a stronger argument for the good.
As I sit up and look out my bedroom window, it’s a mixture of bitter and sweet, the bitter grey sky and the sweetness of spring’s melt. The extra added bitter to the morning was that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. And the reason I woke up on the wrong side of the bed was because I woke up thinking, and thinking can often throw my lazy morning thoughts into pure and utter turmoil.
At this time, the idea of getting up and doing anything is brutally exhausting. However, the idea of not doing anything is both exhausting and depressing, so after about 30 seconds I get up and waddle my way to the washroom. After another 30 seconds, I waddle my way back to my bed, sit down and think some more. I take note that the kids are still sleeping, partner down 3 floor levels having his coffee and cigarette and there was nothing in particular I was waiting to watch on T.V., as I had already caught up with this week’s iTunes. The quiet time is mine–reading it is!
Simple enough. Perhaps it can help me clear my unclear line of thinking, that had taken over when I first awoke. I take out some adequate reading material from my work back pack, while not to forget my highlighter and pack of post-it’s and hunker down for some informative reading.
After about 15 minutes, I find it helpful but not as I expected. In fact it was only producing more thoughts!
So after a little thought, out comes my laptop to write, which has brought me at present, to you. I need to get out some of those thoughts from the past week, month, year…well maybe years, and I thought that I would share my most immediate thoughts of the morn, blog style, with you…
There are many different programs and policies put in place to ensure that Indigenous people are treated fairly, in all areas of the Western world culture.
However, these programs and policies are for the very most part designed from the perspective of the Western world, which leaves us at the most familiar place of ‘here we are, yet again, put up to standards and quo’s that do not reflect our world view; here we are again, set up to fail.’
Many of us can live and work in the Western world, so we are “okay”. We are “contemporary”. We must be “smart”. And we are “successful”, according to the Western checklist.
But it isn’t about just ourselves and our families living in this world to be “better than” or “better off”, we also need to be okay, smart, successful, and all those things in thatworld so that we can help our people who struggle.
We need to know how things work in the Western world because our people are held hostage in them. Confined to a value system that does not or will not work towards mutual respect and understanding.
Child welfare.
Justice, Law, Corrections and Policing.
Employment and Welfare.
Education.
Healthcare and Mental Wellness.
Land-use and Ownership.
Just to name a few.
Don’t be fooled into thinking we have any control over these areas. No policy in these areas is written for the sole purpose to enhance, nurture or provide meaningful assistance in our lives. It is mainly about control. There may be supportive components to them, but until the government hands over their millions (minus a thousand pages of contribution agreement jargon) and says “here, do it your way,” then the bottom line is – we have zero control.
Some of my own personal frustration lies in the hoops we jump through, and the game of skip rope we are forever jumping in. We are never holding those hoops or the skip rope handles, we are just exhausting ourselves playing the game.
It is always up to us to ‘reconcile’ by healing ourselves, understanding ourselves, doing better (which isn’t a bad thing) BUT, and it is literally a big BUT… all of that is expected so that we can fit in and be successful in the Western world, to be the kind of parents, citizens, students, patients, that they want to deal with. So ultimately, their reason for is for their benefit and does not include their own healing steps that they must take.
Uh oh, here come the why’s.
So why is there is no meeting in the middle? Why do we not hold the hoops or skip rope handles? Why is there is no great wave of CULTURAL HUMILITY in the Western world that has been mandated and strictly enforced in the areas that we as Indigenous people fall prey and hostage to? And why is it always up to us to do whatever we have to do to reach that bar above our heads, that has been strictly and violently enforced for centuries?
If you have passively read through to this point, then I humbly ask you to please pay attention to this and encourage you to click on the link to a much informative presentation: Cultural Humility vs. Cultural Competency:
Cultural Humility is respecting worldview, “being aware of power imbalances and being humble in eery iteration with every individual” (Foronda, Baptiste, Reinholdt, & Ousman, 2016)
Cultural Competency is knowing about a culture; attempting to become a qualified expert or ‘qualified’ to work with a culture.
The goal is not to tell you everything you need to know about Indigenous people, but to help you develop cultural humility in order to build relationships with Indigenous people.
-Dr. JoLee Sasakamoose: Indigenous Cultural Responsiveness Theory (ICRT)
I believe that our people have been taking too many ‘first steps’ and doing our part in showing good faith, with no meaningful progress. When something doesn’t align, and we explain how things work from our cultural perspective, it is disrespectfully rebutted with references to organizational and government policies and laws. And we are left yet again to conform.
Creating more space for us to grovel at the feet of child welfare, justice, industry, health and education (to name a few) is not reconciliation. It is degrading and insulting and goes highly unrecognized far too many times.
At this point in time, we do not have much choice about our co-habitation situation. In fact, when our values work, boy do they damn well work. We have much to teach our Western counterparts, and there are many things in that world that work for us. We are just on highly unequal footing at the moment, which needs to be acknowledged by both parties.
I don’t have the answers but I am learning a few things–
We can no longer shut up and be submissive to a way of life that is holding our people hostage.
We can no longer accept the token space that has been given for us to beg the state for mercy.
We can no longer allow our culture to be exploited under guise of reconciliation.
I’ve been out there many times, for work or play, and I feel intimidated. Not because I am weak. But because that is what we were taught over generations -to be intimidated. And the western society was taught, over generations, to be intimidating.
BUT, and this is literally a big BUT…we have thousands upon thousands of years of the Spirit (and DNA for all you science buffs out there) of our ancestors that proves how strong and resilient we truly are. And this is a fact…not just a facebook quote.
(Writer’s note: It started snowing while writing this, so it is somewhat more bitter than sweet outside at the time of publishing)
Just when you want to give up and go. When you want to run and hide, just to save yourself, your sanity. Something happens that touches your heart, mind, spirit. Happy, sad,
hurtful or maybe devastating,
it still touches.
It ignites a spark, to want better,
to work harder,
to carry it for awhile,
for those who cannot
to lighten the load, even for a brief moment.
That’s our humanity. Your spirit.
Our spirit.
That thing they wanted to break,
they wanted to take.
But we won’t let them.
No more.
We idle.. no more.
Bittersweet lyrics
CreeGirl in a lonely world. 